| Dad: | Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
|
| Me: | Yup.
|
| Dad: | Why?
|
| Me: | He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
|
| Dad: | If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
|
| Me: | If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
|
| Later
|
| Dad: | OH NO
|
| Me: | Calm it down, dad.
|
| Dad: | HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
|
| Me: | *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
|
| Dad: | Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
|
| Me: | First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
|
| Dad: | You're right.
|
| Me: | Thank you.
|
| Dad: | I'd probably have to give him two cows.
|
| Later
|
| Dad: | Loki just did a pole dance.
|
| Me: | *laugh*
|
| Dad: | He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
|
| Me: | *laugh*
|
| Dad: | Loki's a slut.
|
| Later
|
| Thor: | *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
|
| Dad: | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
|
| Loki: | *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
|
| Dad: | HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
|
| Later
|
| Loki: | I could have done it, father!
|
| Dad: | Oh my god.
|
| Odin: | No, Loki.
|
| Dad: | SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
|
| Me: | *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
|
| Loki: | ...
|
| Dad: | OH NO OH NO OH NO
|
| Loki: | *lets go of the spear*
|
| Dad: | NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
| Thor: | NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
|
| Odin: | No.
|
| Dad: | DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
|
| Me: | Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
|
| Later
|
| Dad: | WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
|
| Me: | ...
|
| Dad: | Assholegard!!!!
|
| THE END |
